Pondering and wondering about the events in the past two years too.
No, not the typical “New Year’s new me” rhetoric I promise.
Every year, we celebrate the new year as a way to renew our hopes. We start with resolutions, plans, promises and Godknowswhats!! And when they (often) fizzle out by March, we find ourselves looking forward to the next year for a fresh start.
And the cycle continues.
Looking a bit back, in terms of hopes and excitement, I wasn’t prepared for 2018 either – just like 2019. Due to some strong medications, my memory of the first quarter of 2018 is hazy. While the pills filled the emotional gaps, I’m not sure if they truly brought the happiness I sought. What I do know is that I was ecstatic when they finally started working. I traded this happiness for the blurriness that covered most of the remaining 2018.
2017 wasn’t great either, but the presence of a child made it bearable at times. However, the year ended with a big mess that I am still cleaning up.
On the upside, the abuse finally ended in 2017, but not without a fight and a big lesson. I learned that nobody believes or sympathises with you when you talk about male victims of domestic violence. You have no choice but to “keep calm and carry on”.
To sound a bit more intelligent than I am, I dug into some stats. Apparently, (according to the National Centre for Domestic Violence) 49% of male victims tell no one about the abuse regularly face. Quite frequently, male victims often receive a false accusation on top. And it isn’t easy to defend, especially when you are already suffering. And that was 2017 in a nutshell.
Then like an uninvited guest, 2018 stepped in and stayed, complained, screamed and occasionally left the toilet seat up/down.
But it also taught me something (almost) very new – called Acceptance.
Despite being crowned as the haziest and blurriest year, 2018 turned out to be one of the most meaningful ones. It allowed me to discover and identify my genuine friends. It also guided the wider path and somehow helped me discover myself.
2017 failed and 2018 didn’t kill me either. But it did push me to the ground whenever it had a chance. Each time. I got up and winked at it. Each fall made me stronger.
For these reasons, 2018 deserves a massive and heartfelt send-off.
Thank you 2018 for all the experiences I had, which seemed impossible and unachievable in 2017.
Thank you for teaching me how to turn tears into smiles and transform agony into laughter. you were inarguably one of the best teachers I’ve ever had.As the new year approaches, I hope my ex is happy and healthy. My friends and family (who listened to the fake stories and abandoned me without bothering to verify the facts with me) are also happy and healthy.
I hope everyone who has done me dirty is also happy.
And to those whom I may have hurt in 2018, I’d like to offer profuse apologies as I’ve learned the importance of forgiveness and moving forward without carrying the weight of the past. I have happily moved on. I have also forgiven everyone.
The physical and emotional scars may still be visible and will be there forever, but at least I have something to look forward to.
To my religious friends, have a blessed 2019, and for the rest of us, let’s drink for a farewell to 2018 and let’s make 2019 feel welcome with a dram ((or equivalent))!!
Warm hugs!!